That feeling is creeping over me again. It is a disease, which all people experience albeit in different orders of magnitude. DEPRESSION.

A couple of my friends were admitted into universities abroad. I am not jealous; however, they were jealous of me when they came to know that I qualified GATE. I am happy for them. What I can’t stand is their making a mockery out of my rejections and my academic credentials. My credentials are as good if not better than theirs are. Is what I have false pride? I don’t know. However, I feel terrible. When I qualified GATE and they didn’t, I did not say anything that would upset them. In addition, here I am now being ridiculed over my current situation, being advised to apply to ‘C grade’ universities, being told that the universities I am expecting a response from are crappy.

I wish it were Feb 18^th this year. Everything was fine until then. And you’d think friends would be supportive if I got rejects – nope!

Hey, they aren’t monsters. I just think that they feel a sort of comfort that a guy like me who got good scores on his entrance exams could not get admission. A hard-working little wise-guy who couldn’t make it - the universe conspiring against a supposed ‘know-it-all’.

Let me tell you something. I am not a smart person, I will admit. I don’t have good things going for me - I admit that too. However, one thing I will not admit is that I discourage people; that I don’t give moral support. I have always told friends to keep their chin up. Nobody is there to tell me the same thing. Nobody to tell me I am capable of this joy. People might think I have an ego since I want others telling me how good I am. If that were so, then I would rather have an ego and admit it rather than have an ego and put a mask on my face and make others feel worthless.

I had good things coming my way. Not anymore. My day in the sun is probably over. I guess I should prepare myself to accept that.

But I am an optimist none the less. I don’t need others to encourage me. I believe in the Lord. He, I am quite sure, believes in me. This phase is just an anomaly in my life…I am going to overcome it coz HE is on my side!